


Riding Against the Wind

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: Fic Requests [9]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Making Up, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 22:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20983232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: An unfortunate event makes things awkward between Ryuji and Yuuki, who realizes he might end up losing his best friend if they don’t talk things out. To gather the courage to do it, however, he knows he’ll have to do something even more stupid…





	Riding Against the Wind

As much as Yuuki enjoyed the time he spent with his friends, the days when he spent his lunch break alone with Ryuji were still his favorites. Not that he didn’t like Akira and Ann’s presences… It was always fun to have them around, and Yuuki still found it amazing to think that, for the first time in his life, he was part of a group.

Yet, there was something about those times he spent alone with his best friend that filled his chest with a joy he couldn’t put into words.

Well, he actually _could_, but admitting that he liked Ryuji was still… difficult. Being raised in a conservative and strict household had its fair share of negative consequences, including the constant fear of being judged and rejected. Not that he had any problem seeing Ann and Shiho together, for example… He could tell on a logical level that there was nothing wrong with it. Still, when things were about himself, he couldn’t help but be a little harsher in his judgment. But, worse than that, was the chance that he would ruin his friendship with Ryuji if he ever confessed his feelings.

“Hey, Yuuki.”

Ryuji’s voice called his attention, making him turn his head, offering his friend a small, curious smile.

“Hm?”

There was some hesitation in Ryuji’s face. Yuuki almost asked him if something was wrong, but before he could, Ryuji finally proceeded.

“Would you, y’know, like to go out together this weekend?” he asked.

“Sure,” Yuuki didn’t need to think much about his answer, thinking it was funny how nervous Ryuji seemed over something so simple. “Do you want to buy something?”

He couldn’t see anything strange in that question, but it still seemed to leave Ryuji flustered.

“Ah, no…” Ryuji placed a hand on the side of his neck, averting his gaze. When he spoke again, his voice was lower. “I meant like a date.”

“Oh.”

A tragic response, but there was no way Yuuki’s brain would function properly after _that_. He could do nothing but stare at Ryuji for a long while, as the meaning of those words slowly sank in. A date… Like, a _real_ date? Could there be any way he had understood those words wrong? Ryuji’s apprehension seemed to grow with every passing second, only making it clearer that no, he probably hadn’t misunderstood those words. Yuuki’s heart seemed to roll inside his chest with that realization.

“Yes,” he finally said.

His answer made Ryuji widen his eyes.

“Wait… For real?” he asked. “I mean… You can say no if you don’t feel like it.”

“I want to.”

He managed to sound calmer than he felt. Ryuji watched him for a while, as if expecting him to change his mind. When he didn’t, his friend let a small sigh of relief escape his lips.

“Ah, okay.” Ryuji nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Ryuji placed a hand over his mouth, staring at the ground. Yuuki couldn’t tell what was going on in his mind, and feared that he had misunderstood a joke.

“Shit…” muttered Ryuji. “I was sure you’d say no. I mean, I’m fuckin’ happy, but… I don’t really know what to say now.”

His words made Yuuki relax a little. He still found it difficult to grasp the idea that Ryuji had _asked him out_, but as he did, a mix of anxiety and euphoria started to grow in his chest, leaving him restless, with a strong urge to run in circles to calm down. He controlled his impulses before they made Ryuji change his mind.

The brief time of silence that Yuuki took to calm down also helped Ryuji, who didn’t seem about to pass out anymore. He looked at Yuuki, offering him a small, but genuine smile.

“So,” he started to say. “When is a good time for you?”

“Anytime!” Yuuki almost slapped his own cheeks over how enthusiastic he sounded. “I mean… I’m free the whole day.”

A small giggle left Ryuji’s lips—if anything, that expression was worth the brief embarrassment.

“Alright, then,” he said. “We can meet around midday, and have lunch out. Is that good for you?”

This time, Yuuki simply nodded, not wanting to risk another dumb reaction. Still, it was hard to feel awkward when Ryuji’s embarrassment slowly gave place to a wide smile. Yuuki’s heart felt about to melt: his friend seemed as excited with the idea as himself. Part of Yuuki’s mind tried to remind him that he should be worrying about a thousand different things, from how everything could go wrong during their date to how his family would react if they ever knew about it. Yuuki pushed those thoughts aside, not wanting to spoil that nice moment.

* * *

When Sunday finally came, Yuuki expected the worst from every single thing. _His mother knocked on his bedroom door?_ She probably decided that he was grounded for whatever reason, and couldn’t go out. _The wind was blowing against the leaves outside?_ There was a storm approaching. _An announcement at the station?_ The trains had stopped for the day. _A message?_ Ryuji was canceling their plans _for sure_.

Yuuki glanced nervously at his phone, realizing it was just a notification from the Phan-Site. He had the urge to check it, as usual, but stopped himself. No, not that day… If another small worry got to his growing pile, he would probably jump out of the train on the next station, curl into a ball and cry until his older sister appeared to pick him up and take him home. Instead, he took a deep breath. Things would be fine… Ryuji wasn’t the kind of person that would leave him waiting alone for hours, like in the so many romance manga he had read before, and… that thought wasn’t helping _at all_.

When he got out of the train, Ryuji wasn’t anywhere in sight. He tried not to overthink again, slightly rocking his upper body in an attempt to let out at least a bit of his anxiety. It seemed like a long time until the next train arrived, and Yuuki was so distracted by his imaginary worst-case-scenarios that he only realized Ryuji was beside him when he talked.

“Did you wait too long?”

Yuuki almost jumped, but seeing Ryuji’s face made him instantly calm down, as if by magic. He offered his friend a smile.

“I just got here,” he said, indicating the train with a gesture. “On the train before this one.”

“Seems like we almost met on the way, then.”

He agreed with a nod. The two of them lived only two stations apart, which wasn’t more than fifteen minutes on foot. In fact, it would be quicker for Yuuki to go to Ryuji’s house with his bicycle than to meet him at Shibuya. He wasn’t going to complain, though, considering how exciting it was to go out together as a _couple_—besides, the thought of having a date in Ryuji’s bedroom was still too much for his poor heart.

“Where to, now?” asked Yuuki.

“Let’s go eat somethin’,” answered Ryuji. “I’m starvin’.”

They did as he said, eating while sharing a light conversation. It was such a natural thing for them to do that, if the thought that it was actually a _date_ wasn’t glued to Yuuki’s mind, he would probably forget it wasn’t a day like any other—so much that, before he knew it, his anxiety was slowly replaced by excitement, and he started to ramble about whatever came to his mind. He realized in the middle of his comment about a new game he wanted to buy that Ryuji was looking at him with a light smile on his face. That was enough to bring back the fact that they were on a date to his mind with full power. He took a sip of his soda to hide his thoughts.

“What is it?” he asked.

Ryuji furrowed his brow, seeming confused.

“What is what?”

“Why are you grinning like that?”

Yuuki’s question made Ryuji briefly avert his gaze, a nervous smile taking his lips.

“Nothin’,” he said in a low voice. “I’m just happy you came here with me.”

That honest answer caught Yuuki by surprise. This time, it seemed impossible to mask his reaction, so he decided to embrace it.

“Come on…” he complained with a pout. “You’re going to make me feel embarrassed, like that.”

“My bad,” answered Ryuji. “It’s just kinda hard to hold it back, y’know? I wanted to ask you out for weeks now.”

Yuuki drank his soda again, buying time for his brain to find an answer.

“Why didn’t you do it before?” he asked.

“’Cause I didn’t know how you’d react,” admitted Ryuji. “I didn’t wanna make somethin’ dumb and push you away from me.”

Those words resonated so much with Yuuki’s feelings that he felt a sting in his chest. If Ryuji hadn’t asked him out, he probably would never find the courage to do it himself, considering how he tended to always expect the worst out of everything, and panic before he even had the chance to act.

“I can understand that,” he admitted. “I’d have the same problem in your place.”

Ryuji nodded.

“No reason to worry about it now, right?” he asked.

“I think so.”

They looked at each other with fond smiles. The moment lasted a second longer than it should, and when they realized it, Ryuji moved his attention to the window, and Yuuki to his—now _very_ empty—cup of soda. Yes, they were on a date, but it was still difficult to let go of those sad pining instincts.

“Anyway,” said Ryuji, now back to his cheerful attitude, “what were you sayin’ about a game you wanted?”

“Ah, right…”

And, just like that, they resumed the conversation. Part of Yuuki was glad to see that, just like himself, Ryuji was also nervous about that situation. They were both used to being friends, so the thought of being _something else_ alongside it was still too new and unknown. It would probably take some time for them to get used to it—not that Yuuki minded it that much.

They finished their meal and left soon after, walking on the streets without a destination in mind. Yuuki was so engrossed in their conversation that he didn’t see someone approaching until they had already bumped into each other.

“Ah, I’m sorry!” he said.

“Pay more attention to where you…” The person stopped talking. “Hey, wait a second… Are you Mishima?”

The question made his blood freeze. He raised his eyes, recognizing a face from his dreaded middle-school days.

“Hajime…?”

The tall boy showed an amused smile.

“It really _is_ you!” he said in a loud voice. “Woah… Ain’t this a nice surprise?”

Yuuki lowered his eyes, uncomfortable.

“I suppose…” he said.

“C’mon, don’t look so unhappy…” Hajime rested his elbow on Yuuki’s shoulder. “Weren’t we such _great friends_ during middle school?”

He tried to answer, but his brain refused to work properly. In a moment, Ryuji was right next to him, carefully pulling him away from Hajime.

“Yuuki… Do you know this guy?” he asked in a serious voice.

“_Yuuki_?” Hajime scoffed. “Is this dude your boyfriend? So you’re really into this shit, after all…”

“What did you say?”

Ryuji stared at him, and Yuuki could easily see his patience coming to the limit.

“It’s okay, Ryuji…” said Yuuki. “Let’s just go.”

He tried to pull Ryuji by the arm, but he didn’t move.

“Wait, Yuuki,” he said, still staring at Hajime. “Has this guy been messin’ with you?”

“No.” Answered Yuuki, somehow managing to keep a calm voice. “It’s fine.”

He hoped things would end there, but that exchange made Hajime widen his smile.

“Didn’t he tell you?” he said. “He used to pay me his lunch money so I wouldn’t trash him. How about you? Are you making him pay with his ass?”

Ryuji’s whole body tensed up. Yuuki had a bad feeling about that, and grabbed his arm with both hands.

“Ryuji, it’s alright,” he said. “Please, let’s just go.”

“He always cried when we beat him,” continued Hajime with a laugh. “Does he cry as much when you’re fucking—”

Before Yuuki could do anything, Ryuji had already freed himself from his grasp. It happened too fast, but at the same time everything seemed to slow down. Yuuki could see Hajime’s surprised face a second before Ryuji hit him. He fell on the street, and Ryuji got over him, hitting him again. Hajime, who didn’t seem to be expecting an actual fight, instinctively reached upwards, trying to claw at Ryuji’s face, kicking the air in an attempt to make him fall.

“Ryuji!” called Yuuki. “Ryuji, stop!”

Neither of them did. The fight continued for what seemed like an eternity, but probably didn’t go beyond a few seconds. Hajime managed to make Ryuji fall, punching his face and trying to pin him down; however, Ryuji was still the strongest of the two, and soon Hajime was lying on his stomach while Ryuji twisted his arm.

“Apologize to him,” said Ryuji.

“Go fuck your—”

A pained groan left Hajime’s throat when Ryuji twisted his arm a little more.

“Fuckin’ apologize, you asshole!”

“Fuck…” Hajime grunted through his teeth. “Sorry… I’m sorry, okay?”

“You better not mess with him again,” muttered Ryuji, “or you’ll be the one cryin’ next time.”

Ryuji let go of Hajime, who quickly got back on his feet, jumping away from him. He stared at them, gritting his teeth.

“Fuck you!” he yelled. “You damn faggots!”

But his words had no trace of that cocky confidence from before. He dashed down the street and away from them as Ryuji watched, catching his breath, cleaning a trail of blood from his swollen mouth. The anger slowly faded from his face, and he hesitated for a moment before turning his gaze to Yuuki, who was just a few feet away.

“Yuuki…” he said.

Yuuki didn’t look him in the eyes, hugging his own arms. Ryuji stayed silent for a while, thinking before speaking again.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

Again, Yuuki didn’t answer. Ryuji averted his gaze, seeming unsure of what else to say.

“So…” He forced a smile. “We can go buy that game you told me—”

“I don’t want to,” Yuuki interrupted him.

His voice cracked. He could feel Ryuji’s concerned gaze on him, which only left him more frustrated with the situation.

“Are you cryin’…?” asked Ryuji.

The question made Yuuki stare at him, suddenly taken by a wave of anger.

“Why did you have to do that?” he asked in a loud voice. “I told you not to!”

Ryuji flinched at that accusatory tone. It made Yuuki feel guilty, and look away from him again.

“Sorry,” muttered Ryuji. “I kinda lost it when he said those things about you.”

“People are always saying these things about me,” answered Yuuki, keeping his eyes on the ground. “I… I’m already used to it. I didn’t want you to—”

His voice failed him again. Neither of them dared to say anything for quite a while.

“I ruined your day, didn’t I?” asked Ryuji in a low voice.

Yuuki opened his mouth, but couldn’t answer.

“I’m sorry,” said Ryuji.

This time, Yuuki made an effort to say something.

“I just don’t want you to get in trouble again.”

“I know…”

That heavy silence embraced them again, and Yuuki’s heart felt heavier with each passing second.

“Maybe we should go home,” said Ryuji, finally.

“Maybe we should,” agreed Yuuki.

* * *

During the next day at school, things were… weird.

Ryuji wasn’t acting unusual or anything, and neither was himself. However, there was still a palpable barrier between the two of them. Neither would directly talk to the other, and, every time their eyes met, one—or both—would quickly look away. Such small things, and still, they were painful. As if a small rejection happened with every interaction.

Yuuki hoped it would get better the next day, but it didn’t. Nor on the following day. Or the next one. Or the next…

He was usually a passive person when it came to his problems. If something went south, he would stay quiet and hope that things would get better without his interference. He feared that, if he tried to do something, things would only become worse. However, in that situation, he simply couldn’t wait for things to sort themselves. He felt as if he and Ryuji were growing more distant each day, and, the more he waited, the more difficult it would be to restore what they once had.

He locked himself in his room that night, staring at his phone for a long while before he gathered the courage to call Ryuji. Despite the late hour, it didn’t take long for his friend to pick up.

“_Yuuki?” _he heard Ryuji’s surprised voice.

“Ah… Hi.”

Only then he realized that he hadn’t thought of what he should _actually_ say. A small chuckle echoed on the other side.

“_Hi.”_

That simple reaction helped to calm him down a little. Before he could say anything, however, Ryuji proceeded.

“_Did you just call to say hi to me?”_

“No! That’s not all… I just really wanted to talk to someone.”

As soon as he said those words, he realized they didn’t sound _at all_ like what he wanted to say. Ryuji didn’t seem bothered by it when he answered.

“_Was I your first choice, or was everyone else busy?”_

Instead of explaining himself, Yuuki chose to answer in that same playful tone.

“Akira and Ann just wouldn’t pick up, so you were the only option left.”

“_Figures…”_

Yuuki took a deep breath, rolling on his back and staring at the ceiling before continuing.

“Of course you were the first one.”

Maybe because of how serious his answer sounded, but Ryuji didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t come up with anything either, unsure of how to touch that complicated subject. As usual, Ryuji was the one to break the silence.

“_Is somethin’ wrong?” _he asked.

“No. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“_We’re talkin’.”_

“Yes…”

Before he could do anything to stop it, the silence grew again between them both. Talking to Ryuji had never been difficult before, and that thought brought a dull pain to his chest. No matter how much effort he put into finding the right words, none came out of his mouth, and he had to fight the urge to cry from frustration and everything else that had been accumulated in his chest during those past days.

“_Things got kinda weird between us, didn’t they?”_ asked Ryuji in a low voice.

“Yes.”

“_Yuuki, I—”_

“Please, don’t say you’re sorry again.”

“_Okay.”_

And, like that, both went silent again. They shouldn’t be like that… They had always been so open to each other, so why was it so difficult now? As the thoughts filled his mind, the tears finally managed to leave his eyes. He bit his lip, bringing his arm to his eyes, drying his tears with his sleeve.

“Ryuji…” he muttered. “How can I make things go back to normal?”

“_Whaddya mean?”_

That simple question made the frustration grow inside his chest.

“You know what I mean!” he answered in a louder tone. “You didn’t even look at my face at school for the past week!”

Ryuji seemed about to say something, but stopped at the last moment, his answer reduced to a low sigh.

“I didn’t want this to happen…” proceeded Yuuki. “I just want things to go back to how they were before… I want us to be friends again! I want to talk to you, like we always did, but… I don’t know how!”

“_I…”_

He interrupted his phrase. Yuuki could hear him take a deep breath before proceeding in a voice that was too cheerful to be natural.

“_So, Yuuki… Do you know that crane game in Akihabara? Yesterday Aki made me go there with him, ‘cause he decided he wanted a damn sheep from it.”_

It all came so out of nowhere that Yuuki didn’t know how to react, or what to think.

“_And, you know what’s funny?” _his friend proceeded. _“I managed to grab one, but the fuckin’ thing hit a box that was close to the border, and the two of them fell down. So, I accidentally got two creepy sheep in a single attempt. Aki gave me the second one, and now this cursed thing is starin’ at me whenever I try to sleep.”_

Ryuji chuckled, but that usually comforting sound was nothing but painful at that moment. Now it was clear for him that he was trying to act like usual, the way Yuuki said he wanted to. But… It just wasn’t the same.

“_It wasn’t really that funny, was it?” _asked Ryuji in a low, defeated tone.

“No, that’s not—”

“_Sorry.”_

Something in Ryuji’s voice caused a sharp pain in his chest.

“Ryuji…”

“_I’m sorry, Yuuki. I’m really…” _His phrase was interrupted by a low sob. _“I know I messed up… I can’t stop thinkin’ about it, but I…” _He made a brief pause. _“I’m really sorry.”_

“Stop apologizing, please,” asked Yuuki.

“_But I know I hurt you!”_ insisted Ryuji. _“Even if that was the last thing I wanted to do, I still…”_

He stopped talking for a moment. Yuuki was still trying to find a response when Ryuji proceeded.

“_I really like you…” _he muttered. _“I thought I could make you happy, but… the first thing I did when we went out together was make you cry. And I keep makin’ it worse every time I open my goddamn mouth. I just don’t know how to make things right anymore…”_

“Me neither,” admitted Yuuki.

A low, humorless chuckle echoed on the other side.

“_We’ll never go back to normal, will we?” _murmured Ryuji.

Yuuki wanted to deny it, say things would sort themselves out with time, that there was no way everything would end like that. But he hesitated for a second too long, and lost his chance.

“_I know you’re tired of hearin’ this, but… I’m really sorry.”_

Ryuji hung up as soon as he said those words. Yuuki let go of his phone, rolling over the bed until he was facing the wall. He reached for his pillow, hugging it against his chest as he repeated that conversation in his head.

It was all so wrong… He wanted to be with Ryuji again, and he knew Ryuji felt the same, but still… there was that barrier between them that neither knew how to break down. Yuuki closed his eyes, burying his face in that pillow, trying to think of _something_. He didn’t know what to do, but he sure as hell knew that he didn’t want to lose Ryuji over something like that.

That thought was what pushed him to get out of his bed, quickly wearing a hoodie over his sleep clothes, going downstairs and putting on his sneakers. His family was already in bed, to which he was grateful: he didn’t know how he would justify going out in the middle of the night like that.

There were no trains at that hour, so he took his bicycle, riding it through the familiar way to his friend’s house. When he finally stopped in front of it, a tiny voice in his brain tried to convince him to give up and go back, and that trying to mend things would only make everything worse. Yuuki took a deep breath, picking his phone from his pocket, typing a short message to Ryuji.

_ **Yuuki: I’m outside your house.** _

He waited, his heart pounding in his chest until the front door was open. Ryuji stared at him, his eyes red and slightly puffed, as if he had been crying until Yuuki arrived—which wasn’t a surprise, considering their brief conversation from minutes before.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

Instead of trying to explain, Yuuki simply indicated the seat behind his back.

“Get on,” he said.

His answer only made Ryuji look confused.

“Why?” he asked.

“Just get on the bicycle.”

Ryuji hesitated, but ended up nodding. He quickly put on his shoes, closing the door before sitting behind Yuuki.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Nowhere in special,” answered Yuuki with a light shrug. “Just riding against the wind. You know, going so fast that tears start coming out of your eyes?” Ryuji still seemed confused, making Yuuki furrow his brow. “Didn’t you do this when you were a kid, and got fed up with everything?”

“I was more of a runnin’ kind of kid,” admitted Ryuji.

“Well, too bad… My stamina bar is really tiny.”

His silly comment made Ryuji giggle, and Yuuki considered that a small victory.

“Can you even go _that_ fast with me as extra weight?” asked Ryuji.

“Well… I can try.”

“Okay, then.”

Being so close to Ryuji after all that time was enough to make Yuuki’s nervousness grow, but he tried to keep focused on the reason why he was there to begin with.

“Hold on,” he said.

After some hesitation, Ryuji placed his arms around Yuuki’s waist. They started to move, crossing those empty streets in silence for a while.

“We’re not going that fast,” observed Ryuji with a playful tone.

“It’s not my fault that you’re so heavy!” retorted Yuuki.

“You can’t just throw all the blame at me like that!”

That brief exchange made Yuuki smile to himself. _How he had missed that_…

They arrived at a small park a few minutes later, and Yuuki stopped the bicycle, catching his breath before hiding it among the nearby bushes. He gestured for Ryuji to follow him to the iron fence that surrounded that place.

“You know it’s closed, right?” asked Ryuji.

“Yes.”

Saying that, he started to climb the fence under Ryuji’s incredulous gaze.

“Are you for real?” he asked.

“I feel like being dangerous tonight.”

Ryuji emitted a sound that seemed a weird mix of a laugh, a groan, and an interjection of pure confusion.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this…” he said, getting closer to Yuuki, placing his hands under his foot, pushing him up. “Here, I’ll help you.”

With some effort and Ryuji’s help, Yuuki managed to reach the other side of the fence, being soon followed by his friend.

“Alright…” said Yuuki, glancing around at the empty park. “Here we are.”

“You’re sweating a lot…” observed Ryuji.

Yuuki let out a nervous laugh.

“I’m a well-behaved and obedient son,” he said. “I never break the rules.”

“Seems like I really am a bad influence.”

“The worst.” Soon something grabbed Yuuki’s attention, and he gestured for Ryuji to follow him. “Come here.”

He approached a bright-colored jungle gym, starting to climb it like a small kid.

“Didn’t you have enough climbin’ for a single night yet?” asked Ryuji.

“I’m so nervous that I need to do something, or I might collapse.”

Ryuji shook his head, but followed him anyway.

“If that’s how it is,” he said. “Just please, don’t pass out now… I’d probably panic.”

“I’ll do my best.”

They reached the top of the jungle gym, sitting side by side. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to be, but the sight of the empty park and the cold night breeze made up for it.

“Here we are,” said Ryuji, “top of the world.”

“Yes.”

He looked at their surroundings for a moment, sorting out his thoughts. Ryuji waited, probably aware that he had something to say.

“Listen, Ryuji…” he said. “I know things have been weird since that day. I can’t stop thinking about it, no matter what I do. I don’t want us to stay like this.”

“Me neither,” admitted Ryuji. “But, I dunno, maybe it’d be better if we… y’know, don’t go out again.”

His answer made Yuuki’s heart sting.

“Is this because of how I reacted?” he asked. “If I didn’t get angry, would things still be like they used to?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” He raised his voice. “I never said I wanted our friendship to end! You’re the one who started to avoid me!”

Those words seemed to have the same impact on Ryuji as a punch on his guts.

“I know,” he said.

“Why, then?”

“’Cause I’m just gonna keep hurtin’ you.”

Yuuki stared at him, taken aback.

“You didn’t hurt me,” he said. “I told you I just didn’t want you to get in trouble because of a stupid fight.”

Ryuji shook his head.

“No, that’s not it,” he said. “It’s just how I am.”

Yuuki furrowed his brow, staring at him.

“I’m always hurtin’ people I love without meanin’ to,” proceeded Ryuji. “I just keep messin’ things up again and again…”

“It was just a stupid fight,” insisted Yuuki.

“But what if I hit you next?” Ryuji raised his voice. “You know how I am, I can’t control my fuckin’ self. I just realized I messed up when you were already cryin’!”

Noticing his loud tone, Ryuji averted his gaze. A tired sigh left his lips, and when he continued his tone was nothing but a mutter.

“You have no idea of how scared I am of doing somethin’ like that.”

“Ryuji…”

For a while, Yuuki could do nothing but look at him in silence.

“I’m sorry,” said Ryuji.

“Please, stop apologizing for something you didn’t do,” asked Yuuki. “You never hurt me. And I know you never would.”

“Yeah, but… Even if I didn’t hit you, I still made you cry. On our first fuckin’ date.” Ryuji gesticulated, impatient. “You really can’t see how wrong this is?”

“The problem wasn’t that fight,” admitted Yuuki. “Yes, it’s true that I didn’t want you to get in trouble again. But what really bothered me that day was to see you just jump in to defend me without thinking twice, while I… I just stood there, too scared to do anything. I knew you could get hurt, or in trouble because of me, and still…”

A small, bitter smile took his lips.

“The truth is, I’m weak,” he continued. “I can’t do anything by myself. Even that guy… He and his friends were always messing with me since middle school, and I just let them. I let them do whatever they wanted, and call me whatever they wanted, and take my stupid money, everything so they wouldn’t hurt me.”

He stopped talking, fidgeting with the end of his own hoodie as he fought with the words.

“But when you’re around, you won’t let anything bad happen to me,” he said. “I got mad at you because I don’t want you to get hurt, especially not because I couldn’t deal with my problems myself. I want to be a good friend, someone you can rely on whenever you need to, but… But I’m just this…” he gestured, trying to convey his feelings, letting out a frustrated sigh. “This fucking coward.”

“You’re not a coward,” protested Ryuji.

Yuuki let out a short, skeptical laugh.

“You know I am,” he retorted. “I’m weak, and a coward, and I can’t be useful to anyone, no matter how hard I try!”

Ryuji reached for Yuuki’s arm, holding it with enough strength to make Yuuki look at him.

“No, you ain’t any of this shit!” said Ryuji. “Why can you only see the bad things about yourself? You’re so fuckin’ smart, and always give your best in everythin’ you do, and still act like it’s nothin’! Do you think the Phantom Thieves would’ve come this far without you?”

“You guys would find a way.”

“Like hell we would!”

“It’s just a site—”

“Stop!”

That change in Ryuji’s tone surprised him, making him go silent.

“It’s much more than that, and you know it,” proceeded Ryuji in a lower, but still firm voice. “Maybe you forgot, but if it wasn’t for the Phan-Site, at least half of us wouldn’t be part of the group, and no one would even think we’re real. It’s thanks to it that we helped people like Yusuke and Haru, and everyone being threatened by that bastard Kaneshiro. Hell, even Futaba would still be locked inside her bedroom if she didn’t know about us! This site you made changed all of their lives, so you have no right to act like it’s worth nothing!”

“I didn’t mean it like…”

Yuuki didn’t finish his phrase. He knew it would be a lie to say he always saw his work on the Phan-Site as something so big. Most of the time, he had a hard time believing he was anything other than a fanboy pretending to be a hero, and thought that the group simply allowed him to tag along at their meetings out of pity. When he heard Ryuji put things in that manner, it made perfect sense, but still… It was difficult to accept. He felt like there was something wrong, that there was no way he could _actually_ be useful to someone—especially the people he admired so much.

Ryuji lowered his head, burying it in both hands.

“This is so frustrating…” he said in a tired voice. “I know you’re better than you think you are, but I just can’t make you see it.”

Those words made something click in Yuuki’s mind. He observed Ryuji for a few seconds, his thoughts coming into place. Then, before he could stop it, a low, half-contained chuckle left his lips. Ryuji raised his head, staring confused at him.

“What?” he asked.

“I just realized something,” said Yuuki, shaking his head. “This thing you just said, about me not seeing how good I am…”

“Yeah…?”

He looked Ryuji in the eyes, offering him a smile.

“Don’t you realize it?” he said. “This is exactly how I feel about you.”

Ryuji didn’t respond, looking at him with that same lost expression. Yuuki already expected something like that, so he proceeded before Ryuji could ask any questions.

“I always felt like the Ryuji Sakamoto you think you are, and the one I know aren’t the same,” he explained. “You always say so many terrible things about yourself, but to me you’re this person I know I can trust whenever I need. You’re always so bright, and confident, and honest… Part of me wishes I could be more like you,” he giggled to himself. “You make me want to become stronger.”

That phrase made Ryuji widen his eyes.

“Really?” he asked.

“Of course!” Yuuki’s smile faded a little, and he lowered his gaze. “And you’re the kindest person I’ve ever known. That’s why it’s so painful every time you say you can only hurt others. I know it isn’t true, but this is so deep inside your head that, no matter what I say, you won’t listen.”

He stopped talking, considering his own words for a while.

“And now that I think about it, maybe I’m the same way,” he added in a low tone.

Ryuji simply looked at him. Without thinking much, Yuuki offered him his hand. Ryuji did the same, and they intertwined their fingers.

“I know it’s hard to believe these things,” whispered Yuuki. “But I’m serious when I say that, to me, you’re amazing.”

A tiny smiled took the corner of Ryuji’s lips.

“I should be the one saying that…” he said. “Even if you can’t ride a damn bike.”

“Stop teasing me already!”

Yuuki squeezed Ryuji’s hand, and they laughed briefly at their own situation. They spent some time in silence, each considering his own thoughts and feelings.

“I never thought about myself like that,” admitted Ryuji after a while.

“Me neither, to be honest,” said Yuuki. “Maybe we’re both better than we think?”

“Maybe.”

They looked at each other, exchanging soft smiles. Things could still not be as perfect as they could, but at least now Yuuki couldn’t feel that barrier between them anymore. It was a relief: as long as they could reach each other, they would find a way to deal with the rest.

“Do you know why I brought you here at this hour?” he asked.

“I’m still tryin’ to figure it out.”

Yuuki giggled to himself.

“I knew there was something I needed to tell you,” he explained, “but there was no way I’d be able to do it normally, so… I thought it would be easier if I did something even dumber before that. You know, to get the courage I needed.”

“Like invadin’ a park in the middle of the night?” asked Ryuji, arching his eyebrow.

“To tell the truth, I just came up with it at the last minute.”

“Should’ve expected…” Ryuji laughed. “At least it seemed to work.”

“Yes… But I was still nervous the whole time.”

“Ain’t that just the normal Yuuki, though?”

“I wish you were wrong, so I could fight you.”

Ryuji let go of Yuuki’s hand, moving closer to him and embracing his shoulders instead. His warmth was comfortable, and Yuuki relaxed against him, closing his eyes.

“I don’t want you out of my life,” he said. “Even if we argue or have problems again, I don’t want… I don’t want us to stop talking to each other. And I want to be with you. I don’t want to give up on this just because things didn’t go well at first.”

“Yeah, I want it too.” Ryuji rested his head against Yuuki’s. “I won’t lie, there’s part of me that’s still terrified of hurtin’ you in any way… But I’ll try not to let my worries get in the way this time.” He made a pause, thinking. “Hey, can you promise me somethin’?”

Yuuki raised his eyes, looking at him. Ryuji hesitated a little before proceeding.

“If I try to see the good things in me, can you do the same for yourself?” he asked.

His request made Yuuki’s chest feel warm.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll try.”

Ryuji tightened his hug, kissing his head. Yuuki’s heart jumped with that small gesture, still having difficulty to understand that they were in _that kind_ of relationship now. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though… And the nervousness that came with it wasn’t unpleasant either.

“It’s kinda funny…” said Ryuji. “I couldn’t take this stuff outta my head since that day, but now that I talked to you, I just… I dunno, but I feel so light.”

“I know,” agreed Yuuki with a relieved smile. “I feel like I could just float away right now.”

“And leave me all alone in an empty park?”

“You’re too heavy for me to carry.”

“You still mad ‘cause I made fun of you?”

“Yes.”

Ryuji laughed, and Yuuki soon did the same. He smiled at Ryuji, who gently caressed his cheek.

“I missed you,” said Ryuji.

“Me too.”

Yuuki placed his hand over Ryuji’s.

“By the way…” he said. “When will you take me on a second date?”

“I’m up for it whenever you are.”

Yuuki widened his smile.

“Anytime,” he said.

Ryuji averted his gaze, as if considering something for a second.

“How about now?” he asked in a low voice.

They looked at each other, and time seemed to slow down again, but now in a good way. Yuuki tilted his head upwards, and Ryuji slowly leaned in his direction. His heart was pounding inside his chest as he closed his eyes, feeling Ryuji’s face get closer to his, barely able to wait for what was about to come…

“Is someone there?”

That unfamiliar voice made both of them jump. They stared wide-eyed at each other, before turning to see someone holding a flashlight approaching them.

“Shit!” said Ryuji. “Run!”

In a second, Ryuji went down the jungle gym, while Yuuki struggled to do the same.

“Just jump, I’ll catch you!” said Ryuji.

Yuuki took a deep breath and did what he said, silently thanking Ryuji’s strong arms for not letting him fall and probably break a bone. When he was safe on his feet, they grabbed each other’s hand and ran to the fence. The person yelled at them to stop, but they managed to jump to the other side before he could get to them. Ryuji went straight to the bicycle, gesturing for Yuuki to sit behind him.

“Lemme ride it now,” he said. “Hold on!”

“Alright!”

Yuuki hugged Ryuji’s waist, and soon they were riding away from the park at full speed. He only stopped when they were too far to get caught.

“Holy crap…” said Ryuji, catching his breath. “That was close!”

“I know… My heart almost stopped…”

“Yeah? ‘Cause mine seems about to burst!”

Yuuki moved away, just enough so he could look at Ryuji.

“But we made it,” he said.

“Thank fuck… Don’t wanna get arrested for invadin’ a damn park. Don’t need my reputation to get any worse than it already is.”

Yuuki giggled at the comment.

“Well, at least it was a memorable second date,” he said.

“Yeah, I can’t deny that…” Ryuji looked at him over his shoulder, a small grin on his lips. “Let’s just keep it normal next time, okay? Dunno if I can deal with all this excitement at once.”

“Aren’t you a Phantom Thief, though? You should be used to it by now.”

That comment made Ryuji furrow his brow.

“Ain’t you enjoying this a little too much?” he asked.

Yuuki offered him a wide smile.

“I guess that’s _my_ Phantom Thief side speaking.”

“Damn right it is!”

The genuine happiness in Ryuji’s smile meant the world for Yuuki. It was still strange to call himself a member of the Phantom Thieves, but knowing how Ryuji felt about his efforts made him want to get used to that thought. Maybe he could still be a hero, in his own way… The two of them could, together.

That thought was slightly embarrassing, so Yuuki decided to save it for later, when he was alone in his bedroom and no one could see the excited grin on his face.

“Want me to ride the rest of the way?” he asked Ryuji. “You must be tired after this whole adventure.”

“Nah, I’m still good,” Ryuji shrugged. “But now I’ll go really slow. Safety first, right?”

“That’s nice, coming from a delinquent,” said Yuuki in a playful tone.

“Shuddup, nerd.”

After resting for another minute, Ryuji started to ride them back to his house. Yuuki closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Ryuji’s body, which felt so comfortable in contrast to that cold night.

“Y’know…” said Ryuji. “Now I’m glad all that shit happened.”

His words surprised Yuuki.

“Are you?” he asked.

“Yeah…” said Ryuji. “I don’t think we’d talk about all that stuff if it didn’t.”

When Yuuki saw things through that perspective, it was hard to deny it.

“Probably not,” he agreed.

He was still thinking about those words when Ryuji’s voice called his attention once again.

“Hey, Yuuki…”

“Yes?”

“You’re damn special to me, okay?”

Yuuki wanted to say something, but the words seemed to dissolve as soon as they reached his mouth. He tightened his arms around Ryuji’s waist, resting his face against his back. The warmth and the familiar smell made him want to relax, but, at the same time, his heart raced restlessly, to the point he couldn’t even tell which feeling was stronger.

“Okay,” he muttered.

He wished their ride home wasn’t such a short one, but before he knew it, they were already at the entrance to Ryuji’s house. Ryuji got down from the bicycle, and Yuuki took his place at the front.

“I sure wasn’t expectin’ somethin’ like this for tonight…” said Ryuji.

“Was it bad?” asked Yuuki

Ryuji shook his head.

“Not at all.”

Yuuki smiled. By that point, there wasn’t much for him to do other than say goodbye and go back home, hoping that his parents hadn’t decided to check on him while he was away. Still, he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to spend more time with Ryuji, even if just a little.

“Ryuji,” he said. “Before you go…”

He didn’t finish his phrase, but Ryuji seemed to understand what he meant. He took a step in Yuuki’s direction, placing a hand on the side of his neck, and it was enough to make Yuuki’s heart race again. There was no way he could get more nervous than that…

Or so he thought. When he reached to the back of Ryuji’s head, briefly looking into his eyes before closing his own, his whole body started to tremble. There was a moment of pure expectancy, before Ryuji finally closed that small distance. Their lips touched in a soft kiss, and suddenly Yuuki was nothing but sparkles and melted chocolate inside. Ryuji moved away, offering him a sweet smile.

“So,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes,” agreed Yuuki. “See you.”

Yuuki waited until Ryuji got inside his house, and they waved at each other one last time before he closed the door. Without wasting another second, Yuuki started to ride away as fast as he could, having to let out all of those feelings inside himself in some way. He could still feel Ryuji’s lips against his, and the warm feeling of his hand on his skin, and those thoughts alone were enough to make him feel like he was _soaring_.

He accelerated, unable to hold back an excited laugh, the wind blowing against his face until he had tears in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


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